Dealing with Micromanaging with Clients

Who else doesn't like to be condescended to?

That is definitely one of my anger triggers, and as a Black woman professional, I get triggered often.

Not long ago, I was working with an HR manager who hired me to resolve a team conflict. She questioned my every suggestion during the scope call, implying that she knew much more about Ombuds work and how to proceed. My go-to in the past was to remain silent then end the call before my sharp tongue got the best of me. Now, I have better tools and feel more conflict-ready.

That anger I used to feel wasn't productive. I spent a lot of time big mad and pretending not to be. I ruminated and fumed. Sound familiar? Negative feelings are like toxic sludge. You can bury them, but they always resurface somewhere and cause havoc.

My challenge was to feel the anger and release it in a productive way. I turned things around by doing two things I want to share with you.

1. Consider the source. Who's mom didn't say that when some kid was taunting you? Why does a challenge to your intelligence or knowledge feel so bad?

We all have core beliefs about ourselves that are the bedrock of our personalities. I'm kind. I'm smart. I'm honest. It causes an identityquake when someone or something threatens those beliefs. And, we are down to fight to prove otherwise. Am I right?

Instead of throwing hands (verbally), I go up to my mental attic and review my cherished experiences, awards and degrees that objectively signal my intelligence.

(Did I mention you are like a house, where your mind is the front door, your heart is the kitchen and the attic is the back of your mind? You get to decide what gets past the front door.)

Considering the source means I recognize that the person talking is a stranger who has no idea about me or my worth. No need to let that person's words past the front door or get angry.

2. Let your best friend handle it. Do you remember having a best friend who would fight anyone who dared to diss you?

What most of us don't realize is that your inner guide is your best friend. Who else has known you longer? Nobody. Who has seen you through every bit of growth? She has. Your inner guide will have your back if you trust.

I let her do the talking in tough situations. Dealing with the HR manager, she didn't tolerate any nonsense and was quick about it.

When the HR manager said," I'm not an expert but I think we should do it this way." My inner guide smiled and agreed. "You're right. You're not the expert. I am and that's why you hired me, right?"

Not defensive, aggressive or combative. A simple question that effectively ended the micromanaging and redirected our attention to the work.

Next time you're in an identityquake, take a deep breath to calm your nervous system, consider the source and let your inner guide handle it.

#conflictready #EQstrong #conflictmanagement #microaggressions #toxicpeople